Chocolate Sauce, Smoking, Twinkies, and First Kiss
by CoD and Posterior Praiser
Summary: Rated for dirty humor and innuendo. (uh oh) Random ficlets. Yanagisawa gets his first kiss, Marui eats twinkies for lunch, and Inui's shorts didn't move...among other things.


A/N: Beware of slightly dirty and/or very tasteless humor. This is a series of ficlets, just because. Various timelines, in no particular order. Random inside jokes explained! Much gratuitous nudity!! (actually there isn't...but you're interested now, aren't you?)

Chocolate Sauce, Smoking, Twinkies, and His First Kiss

He could hear bells ringing and birds singing, and many various happy and poetic things danced through his heart. When the two pulled apart, he smiled widely.

"Well, how was that, da ne?"

Kisarazu had a rather pained expression on his face. "Well...it was kind of gross, actually," he said, deciding to be honest.

"Oh. I guess this means you won't ever let me kiss you again, da ne." Yanagisawa's lips arranged themselves in a pout. It took a considerable amount of time for them to do so.

"I would prefer if you didn't." Kisarazu was going to have nightmares about those big, slurpy lips for years to come.

"Can we still be friends, da ne?"  
"Of course."

-----

"Whoa, did you see that?"

"That serve must move at, like, a million miles an hour! Dude! Like!"

"Man, I wish I could serve a ball like that."

"Like!"

"Someone shut that guy up!"

Meanwhile, Ohtori was oblivious to the calls of the crowd. He was too busy focusing on his serve, and winning the game with his serve. He was pretty sure that there was no way for either Inui or Kaido to return it, so he just kept on serving...

Then, it happened.

"Dude! Like, did you see that? That serve can move, like, everything but shorts!"

"He's right! Inui's shorts didn't move!"

"His shorts didn't move?"

"His shorts didn't _move!_ That ball was speeding past, and the shorts didn't move!"

"Inui's shorts didn't move!"

"Behold, the power of Ohtori's scud serve, which moves everything but shorts!"

Ohtori blinked a few times. "Um, Shishido-san...?"

"Ignore them, Choutarou. The world is full of idiots."

"But they're right, Shishido-san. Inui-san's shorts really didn't move."

"...just serve, Choutarou."

-----

Marui usually ate lunch with Jackal, for reasons that he was never entirely sure of. He always had the same things in his lunch, which Jackal had assumed was because he was either a picky eater or too lazy to make anything new. He always brought a small container of rice, some stir fry and of all things for desert he'd bring a twinkie. Yes, a twinkie. Jackal hated twinkies….

Jackal didn't like sweets, but he had gotten accustomed to their presence since he had been in Marui's company. Marui would offer him treats on most days, and he would almost always refuse. He simply did not like the stuff, but there was just something about twinkies that he really detested. It was not so much the twinkie itself, but more the way the twinkie was eaten.

Marui would always attack a twinkie in the exact same way everyday, much to Jackal's horror. He watched as Marui raised the offending object from his lunch bag, ripped open the plastic covering it, and raised it to his mouth. He didn't just take a bite like other people, no he had to take small bites, then suck out a bit of the cream filling before taking another.Then he would usually get a small bit of the cream in the corner of his mouth, and would run his tongue across his lips to get rid of it, and would always have a very interesting looking smirk on his face when he was finished.

The whole experience would never cease to drive Jackal insane. He was trying his best to ignore the scene before him when Marui looked up at him.

"Uhh.. is something wrong?"

"Well yes… It's the way you eat those things…"

"Really? What is it?"

"Well.. Do you have to chew so loud? It drives me insane!"

"Oh, sorry Jackal, Maybe I'll stop bringing twinkies if you think I chew too loud when I eat them…"

"That would be very much appreciated."

Jackal was very relieved.

-----

Fuji Yuuta was not jealous. He did not get jealous, at least not over something like this...

"Ah, Yuuta-kun. Are you sure you don't mind that I want to ask your sister out? I'm sure she would enjoy the company of a younger man."

Yuuta certainly did not care if Mizuki-san wanted to date his sister and not him….

Hey! Why would he want to date Mizuki-san anyway!? It wasn't like he was gay or anything, it was just that he never thought that… well, he never thought that Mizuki wasn't.

"Ummm... I don't know about that. Nee-san doesn't have a boyfriend, but I'm not too sure that she'd want to date you, Mizuki-san."

Mizuki looked somewhat disappointed, and Yuuta felt a little bad for saying that, but it had to be said.

"Well, there is only one way to find out, I guess."

Mizuki took out his "best" outfit and went into his bedroom to prepare for the strange courting ritual he was going to perform on Fuji Yumiko. Yuuta shuddered at the thought.

Why would nee-san want to go out with Mizuki-san anyway? She was way too old for him. He was a far better…

Yuuta was NOT just thinking about dating his sempai again. It was just not right and besides, Mizuki-san was apparently straight, but that didn't matter because Yuuta did not want to go out with him anyway...

That sealed it. Yuuta had decided that he was not going to allow this to happen. Mizuki-san was HIS and he was not going to let anyone else have him, and that was that.

Mizuki opened the door to the bedroom and strutted out in his usual fashion.

"How do I look, Yuuta-kun?"

"You can't go out with my sister!"

"Oh? Why not?"

"Because…because… I want you to go out with me!"

Mizuki smirked a smirk that was not unusual, but a little scary for Yuuta to see at this moment.

"Very well then, Yuuta-kun."

Yuuta sweat-dropped. He had just been very successfully dubbed and snagged by his sempai.

-----

Yukimura loved the children at the hospital. They were always full of laughter and joy, which he tended to lack when he was feeling low. He liked to play with the kids, and all of them liked him too, so he could often be found hanging around in the children's ward keeping them company when he was lonely..

Yukimura looked at the clock and noticed that Sanada was late, which was not at all like him, so he went to see what might be keeping him. On his way he decided to check on the kids.

"Hey guys!" He took his usual seat amongst the children, and was enjoying himself until he realised that he had forgotton about Sanada, who coincidentally showed up at that moment.

"Oh. There you are! I'm sorry I forgot about you..."

"I assumed you'd be here since you weren't in your room."

"Why are you late?"

"That Echizen kid keeps bugging me, and was following me around so I had to lose him before I came."

Yukimura sweat-dropped . "Why don't you sit down and play with us?"

Sanada definitely did not like the idea but was forced by the 'I'm so sweet and innocent, please do this for me look' TM that Yukimura always gave him so he sat down beside the other boy.

The children seemed to be enjoying themselves and were becoming quite attached to Sanada. Maybe a little too attached. They put a party hat on his head and began forcing him to play 'ring around the rosy' with them, much to his dismay. Then they started calling him Papa Sanada.

"Umm Seiichi...They're referring to me as their father…"

"Well, that's nothing. I'm Momma Seiichi." Yukimura smiled brightly at Sanada, who was quite disturbed by this point. "They seem to think that we're their parents. Says a lot, doesn't it, Genichirou?"

Sanada would have blushed if he wasn't too manly for that kind of thing.

"Please Seiichi, not in front of the children."

-----

"Kabaji, do you think this shade matches my eyes?" Atobe asked, holding up a shirt.

"Usu."

"Kabaji, do you think this ring will look good on my finger?"

"Usu."

"Kabaji, do these sandals make my butt look big?" Atobe asked, checking out his reflection in the mirror.

"Usu."

"..." Atobe decided that this would be the last time he asked Kabaji to go shopping with him.

-----

After Inui won his victory against Yanagi Renji, he decided to talk to his old friend.

"Renji. I enjoyed our game today. Would you like to come to my house this afternoon and talk about the good old days? It has been a long time since we did anything together."

"That sounds appropriate," Yanagi replied.

A few hours later, the situation had become somewhat less appropriate, and also very messy.

However, they were interrupted by a very surprised hiss from the suddenly open doorway.

"Sss. Inui-sempai, how could you?"

It was then that Inui remembered he had also asked Kaido to come over a little later. He had forgotten all about it after his conversation with Yanagi.

"Ah...Renji, this is Kaido Kaoru."

"Pleased to meet you." Yanagi did not look at all uncomfortable to be conversing while covered in chocolate sauce.

"This is quite awkward," Inui said. "I wont' try to tell you that this isn't what it looks like...and I can think of only one solution to end the problem. Would you like to join us, Kaido? If Renji doesn't mind, that is."

"Oh no, I don't mind at all."

"Sss." The hiss was impossible to interpret, but soon Kaido joined them on the floor in the middle of the mess.

Unfortunately, Inui's mother picked a very bad time to decide to ask Inui and his friends what they would like for dinner. A little while later, she poked her head in.

"What -- oh dear, have I come at a bad time, Sadaharu?"

Inui, who was a little irritated had having been iterrupted at such such a crucial moment, nodded.

"Come back in half an hour," he said.

"Sss."

"Make that an hour."

"Okay, honey, but be sure to clean up that mess when you're done."

"Yes, mother."

Inui's mother closed the door behind her, and left the three boys to their fun.

"I should ask my friends to help me make juice more often," Inui commented. "It feels strangely rewarding."

-----

"Come on, let's do it again!" Niou pleaded, doing his best puppy-dog eyes.

"No." Yagyuu had no sympathy for puppies.

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"But I want to do it again!"

"Not here, Niou-kun."

"But I want to!"

Jackal, who happened to be passing by, passed by even more quickly after overhearing more than he cared to.

"Hey, what's up with you?" Marui asked. 'You look like you just saw a ghost or something."

Jackal refused to answer because he was too busy trying not to think about it.

When Niou and Yagyuu were late to practice, Jackal developed a twitch. He wanted to ask...but he really didn't want to know.

"I knew you'd crack," Niou said.

"I always get my way with you."

"Don't push your luck, Niou-kun."

"Did you guys really...in the clubroom?" Jackal blurted out.

"Well, yeah," Niou replied. "Where else?"

Jackal fainted.

"I am assuming that either he really detests smoking, or he had the wrong idea about what we were doing."

"You mean he thought we were banging in the clubroom?" Niou laughed.

"It looks that way." Yagyuu almost cracked a grin.

"Actually, that's not such a bad idea, now that I think about it..."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Aw, come on!"

"You're not trying to get Yagyuu to cover for you while you smoke in the clubroom again, are you?" Sanada asked sternly. He firmly believed that smoking was bad for the players' performance, and besides, it wasn't allowed on school property anyway.

"No, actually, I was asking if I could screw him," Niou replied.

"Don't be disgusting. Fifty laps, now."

"Yes, boss." Niou began to run.

"I'm glad to hear you were refusing him this time," Sanada said.

"Well, of course. If anything, I would be screwing him."

Sanada blinked. Then he twitched. "Fifty laps," he said.

-----

In a land far, far away, there were boys who played tennis. Some were good, some were not-so-good, and some were just outright bad. They all lived happily ever after.

THE END


End file.
